Columbia University

Wow, second year in a row to have an awesome event with Columbia University nursing students! Thanks to all who took part in the day's events and especially to those future nurses who've signed up to be Facebook friends!

A HUGE "Thank You!" to Dr. Norma Hannigan for believing my medical programs have enough info to warrant a second trip to Columbia! (And for being the kind of educator we are fortunate to have shaping the healthcare profession – she makes me want to go back to school)!

It’s hard to express the mindset the day put me into – somewhere between ecstatic, humbled I'm able to help and realization that this is why I do what I do. Thank you!

Sucking Up The Fear and Staying Relevant

After posting a bit about it last week, on Saturday, I took the plunge and bought an iPhone.

Now, I'm not a gadget guy. I AM a guy, so there's a certain amount of inherent love of electronics, but I've never been the person who has to have the latest and greatest electronic update to, well, everything.

Part of the reason I'm not geeky is due to the lag of getting accessible electronics. For years, the protocol has been that an electronic device/software program is released, then six months later, a company has created a way to make it accessible for blind folks. This always keeps the blind community at least six months behind.

Not the case with Apple...and that's why I bought the iPhone. Before ever leaving Best Buy, I had an accessible iPhone in hand. Right from the counter, out of the box, a couple seconds of the sales clerk turning on the Voice Over command and...presto! Yours truly has just simplified life!

Can I survive without an iPhone? Sure. Can I continue to function with electronics that get the job done, efficiently or not? Absolutely. Do I save a ton of time and aggravation by jumping on the nerd wagon and getting the latest and greatest (and only device made to work out of the box for blind folks?)...yep.

I don't want to spend my life using technology from a half dozen years ago. I don't want to wear clothes that were popular back at Y2K. I don't want to refuse to be up on items that make life simplier and faster-I want to stay relevant. And the Apple iPhone allows me to do just that...and to do it in a way that's never been as easy for blind folks.

Thanks, Apple, for your foresight and depth of knowledge in creating a product that'll be a huge addition to my life!

Is It Zen? Or Just Wimpy?

Just completed the autobiography of Grateful Dead bassist, Phil Lesh. “Searching For The Sound: My Life With The Grateful Dead” was one of those reads that took me back about 18 years to when thtere was nothing but Dead bootlegs playing on my stereo.

No, I never got to see/hear The Dead in concert. Had the opportunity to see one of their last ffive shows, but, alas, it’ll remain one of those coulda, shoulda, woulda things.

Anyway, being such a fan during my high school days, it was cool to re-read many of the experiences of the band from their 30 year history. Most interesting was their stories about the acid tests in the mid 60s in San Francisco, hanging out with the Merry Pranksters, Woodstock-just that whole hippie thing. Again, I think I was born about 30 years too late.

One thing the 60s hippie generation did really well was their “live and let live” attitude towards everyone. This isn’t to take away from all the things the hippies did wrong, but that Zen attitude of just letting others do their thang is cool. Instead of trying to control people and get them to do what YOU want, the notion of just letting others be free to live their lives the way they want is something of which I’m envious. Lesh’s book really highlighted this.

And that live and let live thing is cool…to a certain point.

See, there’s a fine line between being Zen and being a wimp. Lesh says as much in his autobio.

During the Dead’s career, they lost no less than half a dozen people directly to substance abuse. Pigpen drank himself to death, Janis Joplin ODed on heroin, Keith Godchaux officially died from head injuries received in a car crash (but we know how that works with someone who is a known abuser), Brent Mydland died from an overdose of booze and pills and, last but not least, Jerry Garcia’s use ultimately led to his demise in 1995. Throw in all the other hangers on and influences and it’s real, real obvious that the whole free love/thinking/mind expansion from drug use has a dark underbelly.

In one episode of the book, Lesh describes how the band had a meeting about one of their members. A bandmate was abusing drugs, probably addicted, and everyone was suffering. Still, no one in the band had the fortitude to step up to the plate, confront the abuser and draw the line in the sand. So, in typical cowardly fashion, they made their manager do it.

I love the idea of Zen. You cannot control the stream, you must simply learn to flow along with it. That stream is life. Great in theory, right?

What Zen fails to address is what happens when someone you love is going down the tubes. Live and let live can easily turn into a Beatles tune: Live and Let Die.

My theory is that by practicing being Zen, letting others have free reign to let their freak flag fly, the 60s attitude ultimately meant that some folks lost their lives. Those who were not addicted, abusing nor caught up in letting drugs control their lives saw the damage those drugs were doing…and no one helped.

Does this mean the hippies have blood on their hands? Kinda, yeah. By choosing to NOT take action when someone is in trouble isn’t Zen-it’s cowardly

Look around. Are there people you know who need help? Do you have the guts to state your concern? Addicts have great defense mechanisms built in…but they can’t even balk if no one has the courage to show their concern.

When you know someone who is hurting, abusing or needs help-don’t be a hippie. Zen can only take you so far. Step up to the plate, try to help…you may not succeed, but at least you didn’t let the world abuse your loved one without a fight.

STEP!

Due to the fact I was an "adult" when I lost my sight, I've never been real familiar with the programs designed to assist blind children/teens. I've done a bit of work with the Missouri School for the Blind, but that's about the extent of it.

That is, until last week...

My buddy, Kevin Hollinger, is an orientation and mobility specialist for a school district in the St. Louis area. He was the head honcho for a program this summer called STEP (Student Transitional Educational Program.) Designed for teens between 14 and 19 who are blind or visually impaired, STEP gives participants a three week campus experience. The participants learn a ton of adaptive daily living skills, but also get help with interviews, resumes, social skills and networking.

I was really proud to be their featured speaker on Thursday, April 25. Special thanks to Kevin and Angie York for being such great hosts, and to all the participants for taking a proactive stance for your future and your education. If there's anything I can do to help y'all in the future, just drop me an E mail. Good luck in your future pursuits!

Upward Talent Search!

Okay, so that's not really the title of anything...

Last week, I was honored to work with two elements of the TRIO program in Kansas. Educational Talent Search helps identify middle school students who are underprivledged and/or have a parent who didn't go to college in order to help these students see their education as a priority. Folks, these are good tax dollars at work, helping to educate, inspire and motivate young people to help take their life up another notch from whence they came.

Now, second part of the TRIO event was with high school students in the Upward Bound program. These teens have been identified as having some of the same criteria as the other TRIO students, but with gifts in math and sciences (seriously, even though some of my audience was only 14 or 15, I felt stupid around these kids!They're just that smart!)

A HUGE thanks goes to Michael Rose for being such a fantastic client, such an inspiration to his students and a walking example of turning your life up a notch.

Thanks to all the TRIO students who attended the event at Coffeyville, KS and for all the Facebook sign-ups!

A Father

I was reading an autobiography last year written by a guy about my age (that would be mid-30s.) This wasn't a warm and fuzzy autobio, but the no nonsense, in your face writing style I like. The author never really knew his father, so he just referred to him as "my sperm donor."

Even though they'd only ever met a couple times, the son never really tried to contact his biological father to bridge that relationship. Instead, he simply referred to him as "my sperm donor" and make snide remarks. And does the father deserve that title? I dunno-I'm not intimately involved with that relationship.

What I DO know is that if he cared enough to think up a degrading nickname, then the author is resentful that he never had a relationship with his dad. I think truly, everyone wants a relationship with their father. Scratch that: everyone wants a GOOD relationship with their father. Some folks have a relationship with dear old dad, yet due to whatever circumstances, they don't get what they want. And I know others who'd also like that relationship, but after trying and trying, it simply cannot be sustained. And when we have a rather high percentage of folks in this country who have fathers who are out of the picture, that's a lot of hurt hanging around. And I just think it's a sad thing.

And what am I? A father? Sorta, I guess. I do have three stepchildren, but I wasn't their stepfather until they were almost through puberty. I can guide and try to lead by example, but fathering? Really? Not so much.

My first father's day greeting today came from my Hija, Tiffani. Now, Tiffani isn't mine. Not exactly. Taylor, Jordan and Maddison are most definitely my stepchildren, but Tiffani is my Hija (hija is Spanish for daughter, if you don't habla espagnol)

Tiffani's father isn't really involved with her life. And due to the fact I think everyone wants a good relationship with their father, I brought her in as my Hija. Plus, she's exactly the kind of kid any father would want, so it wasn't like it was tough! I've also got Hijo, Tiffani's little brother, Tyler. Great, great kids and I'm just so humbled I get to take on a father figure role for them.

But what is a father? Just the guy who donated some sperm? The guy who takes the kids to the park? The disciplinarian? I'm none of these things. So, I kept thinking, trying to find a definition for "father."

I think the gender thing is important here. I think fathers ideally serve a role as protector. Being male, that's a little easier to think of than a female/mom as the protector of the family. So, with the gender thing nailed down, what is a father? Here's my definition (screw whatever Webster's says, this is my definition):

Father: Any male who puts the needs of children before his own.

No sperm involved. No marriage involved. No duties involved, other than always putting the growth and development of children at the forefront.

You won't have to look too hard to find fatherless children who had a male teacher who became their father. Or maybe it was another guy from the church. I know several friends who had fathers who died and they "adopted" another male role model as their father figure.

Why is this so important? First and foremost, I think raising kids is the most important job...ever. Second, because I was one of the lucky ones. My dad wasn't absentee. My dad wasn't a drunk. My dad wasn't a cheater. My dad wasn't an abuser. My dad gave us protection, guidance, discipline, acceptance and care. That's about five more things than many of my friends got from their dads. Filling that role is important to me. It is now and it always will be.

I'm not perfect. God knows I wasn't a father until I was a 31 year old dad of teenagers-but I want to always keep that definition of fatherhood at the forefront: the needs of children in front of my own.

If I get to help continue to guide Tay, J, Maddi, Hija and Hijo, I'm lucky. And if I can do it half as well as my old man, then they're lucky.

Happy Father's Day!

Swallow That Pride

Tonight, had a really pleasant dinner with some extended family.

Not to air all the dirty laundry that every family has, but within some of my relatives' relationships, tension exists. Folks have had hurt feelings, rejection, embarassment, self righteousness and all the typical emotions that we humans endure. Some of these folks have gone for years without speaking to one another. This is just sad.

I've been in family wars. I've seen the hurt we humans can inflict on others. It's weilded for no good reason and yet...it takes a HUGE amount of courage to stop these trends.

I'm super proud of what I witnessed tonight: relatives who may not have had any contact in months or years, all gathered together and enjoying one another's company. Letting the past be water under the bridge, quietly admitting their own shortcomings, forgiving those of others and, above all else...moving on.

Relationships are so much more important than being right.